Thursday 19 January 2017
Saturday 18 October 2014
Looking for Pneuma: The Odysey
So before i begin, I'd like to apologise for the lack of posts on my side.... 2014 started out as a year in which I believed that I would relish this opportunity... boi was i wrong... In order to consider it pure joy, certain things need to try you and you need to be in a space that contradicts joy properly...
I have been Considering it pure joy, using the time to realise that if ever i was afraid of death, i no longer am... this year has thought me that wherever the grace of God puts you, He will watch over you... the Man upstairs loves me... with a love i have never ever seen in my life... this year has been my Odyssey to Pneuma....
I know what you're thinking right about now... seyini kemanje in 'pneuma'... I'll scampto dictionary it in a sec but first lets go with a stable dictionary....
pneu·ma
ˈn(y)o͞omə/
noun
PHILOSOPHY
- (in Stoic thought) the vital spirit, soul, or creative force of a person.
It is also translated as the Holy Spirit, but for all intents and purposes, lets keep it at "the creative force of a person". when i say creative all other people think is expression... hayi Modimo, when i get to this point i just wanna go into prayer until eks nat... ask me why? come on, i dare you...
Listen creativity is not only displayed in make up and the composition of your cloths... neither is it defined by your hairstyle nor its colour... i have a trusted friend who will be called Pam at this juncture... Pam and I see things in different lights... where i miss a perspective she fills me in and vice versa... we have come to the conclusion that on certain people... make up makes the face dirty....
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not dogging on make up, hardly... I've been known a time or two to dabble in the art of Eyeliner and to play in the puddles of lipstick... and a neutral - nude eye shadow colour.... so understand me... i know we express things in different ways but now I'm raising a concern....
'IS THAT YOUR FORM OF EXPRESSION OR IS THAT WHAT YOU SAW OTHERS DO?'
A friend of mine, bless him and his view once asked me... have you forgotten that there are colouring books in stores... confused, i urged him to tell me why he'd ask me that... his answer blessed me.... he said, "WHY DO YOU DRAW ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOUR EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU HAVEN'T? I THOUGHTS YOU EXPRESSED YOURSELF IN YOUR ART, NOT ON GODS."
Make up was a means to an end, for you who are now made as hell at me... it substantiates my first point... it's like taking a country bumpkin, not a fence( no offence) to anyone... and putting them in a Balmein dress, Jimmy Choo's and tanzanite Jewellers... it would be beautiful to them... but you could see that it was never there style... and that is my point, we all seen to have one force of creation today... songwriters mold there songs into rhythms they never were, voices are curling and twirling more than the Lord intended and walks are looking increasingly the same...
these are the results of a generation that has invested so much time in unified turn ups, fashion choices and lingo that they'll tell you they have no time to find themselves, they are 'what' they are... 'what'... and not 'who'...
WHEN LAST DID YOU SIT ON YOUR OWN... LAPTOP OFF, CELLPHONE FAR FROM YOU (you know you can't switch it off), MUSIC OFF AND FRIENDS AWAY...
WHEN LAST DID YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELF BREATHE?
All things we take for granted, all things we never think to do... you have ten minutes to spare... always... the only limit to that is your mind... what is your creative force? did you even know you had one? what are you doing with it? how does it bring you joy?... where is the life in your spirit? have you ever heard it breathe?
The vital Spirit or creative force prevents sleep... I've booked myself a journey to Pnuema, that's what an Odyssey is, an epic journey... I've discovered with the guidance of how i feel... which is guided by Genesis... God is a creative force... look around if you don't believe it... stare at your ears...
In trying to define a creative force, i found that a creative force is contrary to a destructive one... this is seen in people who express themselves in distorted images... or hold back expression entirely...
we are an inventive creed of people, whose thoughts and actions never seize to amaze... who's lives can be artistry of a beautiful kid... a tree blossoming is a great sight, for in it we have hope of future nourishment and the quenching of thirst and however that tree is painted is up to you... you and your vitality...
I hope we all find our creative force one day, our muse that only we will express in our own type of way... a muse we won't be afraid to offer nothing but the best expression, a driving force, a force of energy and light... A muse that won't need 4 outfits to find... one that won't walk away... one that'll inspire and motivate you...
A MUSE THAT'LL NEVER LOSE IT'S TOUCH...
And I Pray We Consider it Pure Joy...
Tuesday 15 April 2014
I Am Myself Separated from you
“I Am myself
separated from you.
And that may be
the beginning of the end
Or
The beginning of
the beginning”
Interesting
statement there… I pondered over it and find that a lot can be taken from this
simple composition of words. At first my overall view of this was that a sense
of independence, for lack of a better word, was the first step in determining
where relationships, outside of those you had within yourself, would be
directed/ or would go….
Guess
this morning; it became apparent to me that as shallow as these words were
taken … they were far more profound…
Sometimes
the people in our lives are a refuge… a warm safe place for us to escape all
the other ugly things in this world…. A place we perceive as a place of
safety... maybe even as the ideal place… our Eden…our nourishment, a place of
fruitfulness, of sunshine and dare I say, a place in which we resume who we
once were… a breed of people unashamed of how naked we are…bare… without fear
of who may peek over… because we dwell with the rib of our rib… one who’s heart
we daily endeavour to understand…to cradle ours within its warmth… who’s faults
we accept and actually begin to fully grasp as times scars in them… a paradise
of some sort where we rule by nature… and are actually listened to…
And
in us… we reserve a special place… a volatile and delicate part of us that
threatens to be our downfall… but still in the knowledge of that notion… we
trust that our ‘escape’ will not INTENTIONALLY… funny how we can easily forgive
in this part, when we believe it was really not by intention that we landed in
the firing line… blooded and tending to a wound those far from us would dare
not inflict….i digress…we trust that our ‘escape’ will not hurt us
Intentionally hurt us…
See
how I intentionally used ’not’ and not ‘never’… even though within ourselves we
never want to admit the knowledge of the impending gebeurtenes… hello education
system of S.A… its always there…
“I AM MYSELF SEPARATED FROM YOU”… An
intrepid realisation…” It Is Not The People Around Us Who Make Us”… so many
people tend to refer to people as ‘their better halves’ or sterlingly say ‘you
complete me’… how?, when they have yet to even reach the point of their being,
by realizing that one can’t fill that which must first create a glass…(because
we are that fragile, just one drop is enough)… to be filled?
Let’s
vy with an example… See the general problem with people who are in a certain
city/place, is that they don’t tend to see the beauty in the city/place they’re
in. They never understand why others find their abode a pleasant sight to
behold…people come to marvel at this mundane place... yet evidence of its
reality really just bores the heck out of the nomads of the place… why?... It
stems mostly from the fact that what you’ve had for long, what you’ve been
around, what has become a comfort zone for too long passes through the needle
of ‘habit’ and depreciates in value at the introduction of something else,
something new…something borrowed…
Like
Eden, the true one,… a new and foreign piece of instruction sprouts,
tantalizing all sense… and its unfathomed paths just entice your trudging… But
following the story… bottom line is we still want for Eden… we long for a place
better than the rest of Earth… The Jews longed for Canaan, the Rastafarian long
for Zion, the Hindu/Muslim still long for Mecca and Christians, the New
Jerusalem… these are all spiritual places… place one finds within themselves…
for themselves… and that is the point…
“YOU ARE YOUR OWN EDEN… AND THAT IS THE
BEGINNING OR THE END”... who you are, what you find out about yourself, how
you see things, how you experience things is the Eden you look for elsewhere…
Proverbs
4:23 “Above all else, guard the affections of your heart, the emotional
attachments you make determine the course of your life.”…
Who you are is found
within yourself… at what esteem you hold yourself at… What you’ve built
yourself up as… whether extensive of te not… without/separated from whomever
you may consider, at any point, whether your rents, friends or current ‘escape’...
will either be the life or death you experience when they depart/
leave/separate from you…
We
constantly are told that how you visualize yourself is how you unconsciously
teach others to value you… plenty of examples… when you see yourself as worthless,
your insecurity is displayed to the world and most… let’s give humanity the
benefit of the doubt… people in your life treat you as the gum stuck beneath
their shoes… that is the beginning of the end… because for all your life… your
truth will be that you are worthless… and thus undeserving of the joys and
successes of life… I Am myself separated
from you… means exactly that…
Nobody can change things for you but
yourself… because although ‘with you’ I may be cloaked, covered or masked…
‘when you leave’ (obviously with what you came with/ brought into this)… I go
back to being myself… bare…
And that may be
the beginning of the end
Or
The beginning of
the beginning
Guard
your heart… who you are without other people determines your success, extent of
joy, peace, confidence, hope, adventure and wellbeing… and that… IS LIFE, The Alpha of all things… or
the extent of your sadness, failure, pain and hopelessness…The Omega…DEATH... so in essence, this statement rounded up says;
“WHO YOU ARE WHEN THEY ALL LEAVE, IS THE REASON FOR THE SHAPE AND DIRECTION
THAT YOUR LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE TAKING… SO TO DETACH FROM OTHER PEOPLE,
SOMETIMES, IS TO GROW WITHIN YOURSELF... TO DEPEND A LOT LESS ON OTHERS IS TO
GROW A LOT MORE IN YOUR OWN EDEN”…. Hope my point was made.. And clearly so
“I Am myself
separated from you.
And that may be
the beginning of the end
Or
The beginning of
the beginning”
Kuishi
na Kujifunza… Live and Learn…
-
And
Consider it pure Joy
Friday 4 October 2013
Identity Twerk
Today I'm sad.... To all who think they know me...i never am... And like any normal Human being...(gosh i hate normality)...... Ek het my dae...
Its quite a lovely thing to be truthful... don't worry angsazange ngayengwa... i just realise that a lot of people are dabbling in the art of double lives. I Call this an art as it requires meticulous precision and attention to detail in order to not be caught out...
For as long as i can remember, I've been a keen observer of Human behaviour and i always gave people the 'bentafit' of the doubt... even when my parents were warning me... I remember once, i was watching some show and a guy named 'Phomola' was on there, guy had been in jail a couple of times and His mom was just fed up... she tried to help him but...hay kabi, rents often don't ask how to help...they just steamroll through ish in there way...mostly cause of their desperate need to help us...Any who... Guy told his story and i was in tears... Spoke about how he grew up in a hard way and how poverty stricken they were at home, he finished matric and looked for a job but found none...like most young mense, he had started drinking long before this and by now, one can imagine how it had worsened...
His mom was struggling raising him and a few other kids on her own.. so as the only man in the house he attempted to help his mom by joining some friends in what had become there employment.. yes it was a choice, a pretty bad one at that and he owned up to it... He served time and after a few years...when i say few, note...angsazange ngakhumbula...he came out with a better vision of what he wanted his life to be like... He wanted to start a car wash/ braai there by his kasi, drew up a business plan..took it to a youth dev centre and applied for funding... funding was granted and he went and got the jita's he was stealing with to come through and start over... jita's beat him up and took the money and left him in a stolen car.. and so the story went....what pains me is that immediately when he got help, via funding and therapy, it got so much for him and he couldn't believe it...so much so that he felt if he got disappointed this time it would kill him...he hung himself.
I don't remember crying so much for a guy I'd never met... but for me this touched me primarily because of the goals and visions he shared that nobody else knew.... people knew 'Phomola' the drunken thief.... and lets face it... double lives are tiresome...and most of us live them...
Its a fact that those people who can actually hide who they are around people have there reasons...however valid or daft.... but at some point it points me to something a friend said.... NO ONE IS A LIVING ISLAND BECAUSE WE ALL WANT TO BE ACCEPTED....we have friends/ acquaintances because we all want to be cared for.... to know that iemand at least spends a few seconds thinking about you... and because we like to talk....
and for that we find photocopies in the street...walking, talking, dressed and ready to be a copy if that is acceptances pay... Its quite sad how i didn't know what conforming was until Grade 8 when we read the road not taken... I realised that time that I'd rather take the road not even seen... because i refused to let myself get caught up in a blow by blow rendition of what others termed a normal person...
And of cause i did what everybody did at that time... tried my best to be different... so much so that at school i was one mens and at home i was a diffs person... ekerk angsakhulumi...i sketched something and called it dice face.... its quite self explanatory... it was like a dice but with different faces on each side.... whoever came from the left met the face and personality on the left and etc.... it was one thing, just like us, but was 3 dimensional....
I dare say that we all have gone through many phases before coming to know who we are...if we ever get there at all... and I'm not ruling it right of verkeerd i just realise that when those two ...or however many...people meet, and reach a consensus that they cant swap roles any longer.... you will feel tired... realise then that you will start questioning your existence and at that moment everything that could possibly go wrong...shall...most then resort to suicide.
others often resort to the devil attacking them...or joining things that promise to bring meaning into there lives... People are quite predictable hey... Learn to discipline yourself MOTHO..... Take responsibility for your thought processes and where they lead you.... there's no enemy attacking you...akhekho futsi,bantfu labansundu loniloyakho... ... It boils down to the decisions you took with whatever knowledge you had at the time...
Angikho lapho but its quite relevant to what I'm trying to bring across.... Stop living a dual life.... its tiring and confusing....life and its living give us a good enough run around as it is....never try and be a person rooted in something while your still finding yourself...quite interesting wording there, you cant exactly loose yourself... i digress...go through the motions, the phases and experience what you will.... but don't skip all that and be a conclusion your clearly not....
Its like a cake that sees one that's already baked and iced... however much it spreads icing on itself it'll always be outa shape ...oozing and dripping...and unbaked, nobody could ever eat from it...trying to be the baked cake in front of others....but being a premix before its fellow premixes, because they know who it is and what potential it holds.... that cake will never rise if you were to bake it, it would be crusty and all...and would probably be thrown away........
There is only one you....you know which it is when your around other people and cant be free to say whatever you want out of fear that they'll judge you... the person you try to be before die mense is not you...
STOP TWEAKING THE REAL YOU FOR ELKE TOM, LIHLE AND JUMAIMA....DON'T FIGURE THAT THEY WONT ACCEPT YOU WITHOUT EVEN TRYING THEM.... VALUE YOU ENOUGH TO WEAR YOURSELF ELKE DAG.....
Speak out when its difficult...and let people help you.... we've gone through it...we conquered it....Stop saying one thing and doing the next...stop portraying one character... and being the contrary to others...stop living today as though you have one life in Amsterdam and one in SA...don't be afraid to be you, the one and only...nobody else can fill that posie...cliche i know..but so true..you are who you are for a reason...practise what you preach and improve what you tell others to...LIVE.
Find joy in yourself and be you...don't allow your identity to jiggle up and down to the worlds tune...NOBODY DOES YOU BETTER...
Consider it pure joy
Its quite a lovely thing to be truthful... don't worry angsazange ngayengwa... i just realise that a lot of people are dabbling in the art of double lives. I Call this an art as it requires meticulous precision and attention to detail in order to not be caught out...
For as long as i can remember, I've been a keen observer of Human behaviour and i always gave people the 'bentafit' of the doubt... even when my parents were warning me... I remember once, i was watching some show and a guy named 'Phomola' was on there, guy had been in jail a couple of times and His mom was just fed up... she tried to help him but...hay kabi, rents often don't ask how to help...they just steamroll through ish in there way...mostly cause of their desperate need to help us...Any who... Guy told his story and i was in tears... Spoke about how he grew up in a hard way and how poverty stricken they were at home, he finished matric and looked for a job but found none...like most young mense, he had started drinking long before this and by now, one can imagine how it had worsened...
His mom was struggling raising him and a few other kids on her own.. so as the only man in the house he attempted to help his mom by joining some friends in what had become there employment.. yes it was a choice, a pretty bad one at that and he owned up to it... He served time and after a few years...when i say few, note...angsazange ngakhumbula...he came out with a better vision of what he wanted his life to be like... He wanted to start a car wash/ braai there by his kasi, drew up a business plan..took it to a youth dev centre and applied for funding... funding was granted and he went and got the jita's he was stealing with to come through and start over... jita's beat him up and took the money and left him in a stolen car.. and so the story went....what pains me is that immediately when he got help, via funding and therapy, it got so much for him and he couldn't believe it...so much so that he felt if he got disappointed this time it would kill him...he hung himself.
I don't remember crying so much for a guy I'd never met... but for me this touched me primarily because of the goals and visions he shared that nobody else knew.... people knew 'Phomola' the drunken thief.... and lets face it... double lives are tiresome...and most of us live them...
Its a fact that those people who can actually hide who they are around people have there reasons...however valid or daft.... but at some point it points me to something a friend said.... NO ONE IS A LIVING ISLAND BECAUSE WE ALL WANT TO BE ACCEPTED....we have friends/ acquaintances because we all want to be cared for.... to know that iemand at least spends a few seconds thinking about you... and because we like to talk....
and for that we find photocopies in the street...walking, talking, dressed and ready to be a copy if that is acceptances pay... Its quite sad how i didn't know what conforming was until Grade 8 when we read the road not taken... I realised that time that I'd rather take the road not even seen... because i refused to let myself get caught up in a blow by blow rendition of what others termed a normal person...
And of cause i did what everybody did at that time... tried my best to be different... so much so that at school i was one mens and at home i was a diffs person... ekerk angsakhulumi...i sketched something and called it dice face.... its quite self explanatory... it was like a dice but with different faces on each side.... whoever came from the left met the face and personality on the left and etc.... it was one thing, just like us, but was 3 dimensional....
I dare say that we all have gone through many phases before coming to know who we are...if we ever get there at all... and I'm not ruling it right of verkeerd i just realise that when those two ...or however many...people meet, and reach a consensus that they cant swap roles any longer.... you will feel tired... realise then that you will start questioning your existence and at that moment everything that could possibly go wrong...shall...most then resort to suicide.
others often resort to the devil attacking them...or joining things that promise to bring meaning into there lives... People are quite predictable hey... Learn to discipline yourself MOTHO..... Take responsibility for your thought processes and where they lead you.... there's no enemy attacking you...akhekho futsi,bantfu labansundu loniloyakho... ... It boils down to the decisions you took with whatever knowledge you had at the time...
Angikho lapho but its quite relevant to what I'm trying to bring across.... Stop living a dual life.... its tiring and confusing....life and its living give us a good enough run around as it is....never try and be a person rooted in something while your still finding yourself...quite interesting wording there, you cant exactly loose yourself... i digress...go through the motions, the phases and experience what you will.... but don't skip all that and be a conclusion your clearly not....
Its like a cake that sees one that's already baked and iced... however much it spreads icing on itself it'll always be outa shape ...oozing and dripping...and unbaked, nobody could ever eat from it...trying to be the baked cake in front of others....but being a premix before its fellow premixes, because they know who it is and what potential it holds.... that cake will never rise if you were to bake it, it would be crusty and all...and would probably be thrown away........
There is only one you....you know which it is when your around other people and cant be free to say whatever you want out of fear that they'll judge you... the person you try to be before die mense is not you...
STOP TWEAKING THE REAL YOU FOR ELKE TOM, LIHLE AND JUMAIMA....DON'T FIGURE THAT THEY WONT ACCEPT YOU WITHOUT EVEN TRYING THEM.... VALUE YOU ENOUGH TO WEAR YOURSELF ELKE DAG.....
Speak out when its difficult...and let people help you.... we've gone through it...we conquered it....Stop saying one thing and doing the next...stop portraying one character... and being the contrary to others...stop living today as though you have one life in Amsterdam and one in SA...don't be afraid to be you, the one and only...nobody else can fill that posie...cliche i know..but so true..you are who you are for a reason...practise what you preach and improve what you tell others to...LIVE.
Find joy in yourself and be you...don't allow your identity to jiggle up and down to the worlds tune...NOBODY DOES YOU BETTER...
Consider it pure joy
Tuesday 24 September 2013
Heritage.... Its all about the tree's roots
So its heritage day... never exactly knew what we were celebrating today... culture , tradition or roots.... until somebody said it in Swati... Imvelaphi.... which are roots...
Guess I've always appreciated the Africanness of South Africans..... those things you'd never find an American doing... hayi emadloti but like the shangaan dancing, the house painting and alles..
People often go on the 'if you dont ken where your from, you wont know where your going'... so i guess His-tree is all about the roots...the seed first planted...andazi if i'm making sense...all i know is that its important to know kutsi uvelaphi... those stories cant end... know your clan praises and teach others... understand where they originated and why...
I'm not on my usual rant until its long enough stance today coz its Herit-age manje... So i guess to commemorate it I'll just slaat 'n ou poem and hope you consider it pure joy....
From the swig of your veg looking cup,
I find a bitter strength even in the way you ferment, up
in the sky, the sun seems to be undone with you
gold brown dusted sheets that we call skin in view
that messy throng of black nettles that could hide all global secrets crowns you
the very ground you beat with heavy burdened feet, adores you
produces the life and soul of the soup you serve still you pursue
better lands that will bend themselves in soil and be true
yielding all they could, in salt water sweat and toil to bear anew
and better yet to produce of your wives the bottl'ar view
strength beating about the grounds in a rhythm that grips
the world as that carriage of good load dips,
directions etched by the sway of your hips
from afar the world pants to hear of the wisdom of the whisper of your lips
and in silence, you womb quips
Mothers come to you for what they term nursing tips
Even in your wrong,
Your shoulders are strong,
Carrying hope unilaterally throughout the minds of time in song
you, listen filter and emancipate the clashing gong
And yet you are fierce when enraged
The liberation calls to you, caged
and you plant peace tree tea's, when blood has been waged
But still it is your drum that soothes nations
parts and echo's back forlorn generations
It defies all limitations
Setting pathways home with fruitful plantations
And when you dance the moon stitches symphonies
Igniting truth, dignity and freedom into heartfelt harmonies
Which blot out all past, present and future soliloquies
In unity the people reach deep into odysseys
Triumph over all hypocrisies
Still you allow, hunger to entice you
watching for patches of material you made to match your hue
Having ID crisis's when Home affairs have told you
You are of colour,patterns, free frolicks and morning dew
of water, nature and shrubbery that naturally cares for you
You are of age old foragers and kings and queens, take your cue
Still you allow hunger to entice you...
When you wake to peaked horizons, thoughts of failure and the beating sun
Mama Heritages ponders....Iphi imvelaphi yakho Mntanami?...Where are you rooted Son?
Happy..(if that's what they say vandag)...Heritage day....
Consider it pure joy....
Guess I've always appreciated the Africanness of South Africans..... those things you'd never find an American doing... hayi emadloti but like the shangaan dancing, the house painting and alles..
People often go on the 'if you dont ken where your from, you wont know where your going'... so i guess His-tree is all about the roots...the seed first planted...andazi if i'm making sense...all i know is that its important to know kutsi uvelaphi... those stories cant end... know your clan praises and teach others... understand where they originated and why...
I'm not on my usual rant until its long enough stance today coz its Herit-age manje... So i guess to commemorate it I'll just slaat 'n ou poem and hope you consider it pure joy....
From the swig of your veg looking cup,
I find a bitter strength even in the way you ferment, up
in the sky, the sun seems to be undone with you
gold brown dusted sheets that we call skin in view
that messy throng of black nettles that could hide all global secrets crowns you
the very ground you beat with heavy burdened feet, adores you
produces the life and soul of the soup you serve still you pursue
better lands that will bend themselves in soil and be true
yielding all they could, in salt water sweat and toil to bear anew
and better yet to produce of your wives the bottl'ar view
strength beating about the grounds in a rhythm that grips
the world as that carriage of good load dips,
directions etched by the sway of your hips
from afar the world pants to hear of the wisdom of the whisper of your lips
and in silence, you womb quips
Mothers come to you for what they term nursing tips
Even in your wrong,
Your shoulders are strong,
Carrying hope unilaterally throughout the minds of time in song
you, listen filter and emancipate the clashing gong
And yet you are fierce when enraged
The liberation calls to you, caged
and you plant peace tree tea's, when blood has been waged
But still it is your drum that soothes nations
parts and echo's back forlorn generations
It defies all limitations
Setting pathways home with fruitful plantations
And when you dance the moon stitches symphonies
Igniting truth, dignity and freedom into heartfelt harmonies
Which blot out all past, present and future soliloquies
In unity the people reach deep into odysseys
Triumph over all hypocrisies
Still you allow, hunger to entice you
watching for patches of material you made to match your hue
Having ID crisis's when Home affairs have told you
You are of colour,patterns, free frolicks and morning dew
of water, nature and shrubbery that naturally cares for you
You are of age old foragers and kings and queens, take your cue
Still you allow hunger to entice you...
When you wake to peaked horizons, thoughts of failure and the beating sun
Mama Heritages ponders....Iphi imvelaphi yakho Mntanami?...Where are you rooted Son?
Happy..(if that's what they say vandag)...Heritage day....
Consider it pure joy....
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